windelina: (topofhead)
Autumn always excites change behaviors in me. This either revs me up with energy for plots and plans or suffuses me with restlessness and dissatisfaction with my current state.

I'm cranky-ish today. Superman died and there's a sort of ache about it - he seemed to be a true gentleman, courageous and strong. I'm feeling cut off from friends and oddly "fuck'em" about it. It's a nonsensical reaction, but it's there nonetheless. I'm feeling pretty up about where the show is, but I'm not as invested as I was for G&D. Maybe because I've proven I can do it already? Is it a sophomore slump?

I'm finding myself wondering if I should cut back on my obligations. I've got house obligations, theatre obligations, convention obligations, social obligations. Not to mention personal goals and dreams I want to pursue. I started working on the convention when I wasn't doing theatre. Now I'm doing theatre AND the convention. And I have a husband and a house. And a huge social circle.

But will my social circle suffer if I give up my visible and obvious ties to the relevant community? I mean, let's say I decided to let go of being on the board for CONvergence. How much would that impact my social ties, my opportunities to see these people I like? Hell, my social "clout"? (snork)

I don't know if I want kids, but it's obvious that my life would need a major rearrangement before it was even possible.

Right now, I'm envying people who don't "do" anything besides work and then go home and be social however seems best. I suppose it's a sign of burnout.

The thing is, I'm still engaged by all the things I do. There's still alot that I'd like to fix and improve with the convention. Theatre is a constant challenge. (I think I need to get back onstage and soon. I think I'm suffering long-term withdrawal effects. I haven't performed onstage in almost two years. So that's probably a contributing factor to my restless unhappiness.) There's nothing I'm doing that I'm actually bored with.

But I'm feeling overwhelmed.

Oh - and I don't really enjoy my job. I don't mind it, but surely there's a better way to spend the majority of my life? I'm getting older and resenting wasted time more. Then again, how many people get paid to surf the internet for whatever catches their fancy?
windelina: (Columbia)
Regular exercise
Cook something new once a week
Stretch everyday
Vocalize everyday
Have season tickets to the opera/the Guthrie/the orchestra
Dust, sweep, mop weekly
Set up regular household chore schedule
Regular walks and/or bike rides (preferably with husband)
Have smallish gatherings at our place once a month
Eat more vegetables
Balance cooking at home with eating out
Make eating out an Event
Expand my literary horizons: more books, more comics, more new stuff
Ride to work once a week during nice months
Balance theatre with all of this
Play the piano once a week
More sizeable house project once a month/quarter (like painting a room or reorganizing, not like redecorating a bathroom)
Get papers organized
Sew more often
Dance classes
Voice lessons
Other random classes: pottery, climbing, arial dance, Hindu dance, lecture series
Hm...a regular bookclub would be fun
Go out dancing more than once a year
Dress more for fun than for lazy (fun clothes can still be comfy)
A travel vacation at least once a year
More roadtrips
Better management of socializing (seeing friends more often)
Sing more showtunes when annoyed
Learn to weld
Regular pampering: either smelly girly stuff, or a massage, or a pedicure or something...

List is a work-in-progress. Feel free to offer more ideas! Or to state your own visions.

I am NOT an over-achiever. I am NOT a perfectionist.
Shut up.
Shut. Up.
windelina: (Firefly)
Friday night was "Men of Taste" which made me laugh alot. "Fuck you cancer."

Saturday was busy. I got up fairly early for a Saturday for the Minnesota Opera Garage Sale. First I went and got cash. Then I went to the garage sale. Lots of cool things, weird things. And a vintage dress that will work for KMK so I picked it up.
Next up, the costume cage at the high school. On the way out, I stopped at Target for necessities. And a liquor store for [ profile] ethel's party later that night.
The kids have cleaned up and organized the costume cage since "Guys and Dolls", thank god. So, I spent about 45 minutes in there pulling possibilities. Then I ran into the orchestra conductor and we chatted and planned.
Other things to accomplish on this day: visit with [ profile] moneygod in the hospital, shop at Saver's for more costume pieces (and fun stuff for me), drop by [ profile] djnoise's for nefarious DDR purposes.
The Noise Stop never worked out (stupid cellphone not giving me messages until hours later). But I got in two hours of quality gossip and catch-up time with moneygod and squishy. And an hour at Saver's that accomplished alot too.

I did get home later than I'd hoped for, but a very productive day! Except when I got home, there was a notice from my bank about bounced charges. WTF?? And only on Wednesday. Apparently, by Thursday there was enough money in there even though I hadn't deposited anything?? And US Bank's bounce fees are outrageous. I've just about had it with these bozos. Wait - I have had it with them. I'm switching to Wells Fargo for a while and see if I like that better.

A little late to Ethel's for dinner, and I didn't get a chance to dress fun like I'd hoped. But at least I had managed to get rid of the snarlies by the time we arrived. Dinner was numalicious. And the place so attractive!! It's become so urban chic. And I finally got my first Ethel dinner party - moussaka! MOUSSAKA!! And bread (and butter). And nummy apple desserts. I was bloated with food by the end.

And the party was fabulous fun. I had a delightful time, and Monte drove me home. I was sleepy.

I need to get in to the chiro because I spent most of Sunday/yesterday with a headache. I'm sure the alcohol and dehydration didn't help, but I can feel how out of alignment I am. Monte and I slept in a bit and snuggled and chatted, and eventually got up and around. He folded laundry and watched The Iron Giant. I snacked on brunchables and watched The Iron Giant. And then we went for a lovely walk over to the river and back. We saw lovely houses. And puppies. And kids playing. A gorgeous day for a walk. And we talked about plans and ideas. Home and ice cream. And then we got ready to go out to Movie Night. Where we chatted, and held the burrito known as Squishy. And ate loads of good food.

I did not have my phone with me or on all of Sunday. I just needed to be unavailable for a day. I was a nice break, and I'm feeling much more refocused and energized. Or I would if I hadn't been up til 1am reading. Silly Windy.


Sep. 27th, 2004 01:42 pm
windelina: (dreads)
It seems like I am always tired, unmotivated, worn down. There's usually a good reason (I'm very busy, I was up late choreographing, [ profile] star5's party was too much fun...), but still.

I'm getting old, of course.

And then there's just acknowledging that if I were in better shape, I could maintain the pace easier.

My plan to get to work on time fell off sharply during the Sick Period, and I need to get back on that.
I got a voicemail from my supervisor this morning about it. She didn't come talk to me. She didn't meet with me. An email would've felt less passive-aggressive, frankly. "It causes a morale problem. And it bothers the attorneys." Really? What attorney would that be? Not the two of my three who never make it in before 9am. Not the last of my three who is so low-maintenance that he doesn't know if I'm here or not unless I go in and say "hi".

I appreciate her viewpoint - I am a problem employee right now. And the thing is, I don't see it getting any better. Why can't I get to work on time? Because I'm not needed. I sit here, basically on call for any work that might come up. But I don't have enough to do and it's not likely to change.

This isn't about finding Yet Another Admin job. It's not going to get any better. I keep pondering this teaching thing. And hey - it'd be something new to do. But I'd have to commit the time to do it - I'd pretty much have to stop doing theatre during the process. And then there's the money.

Gah. I'm cranky today. Everything I see makes me crankier. I shouldn't try to analyze things in this mood.

One piece of good news: We finally have a pit conductor for KMK. (Dennis Lindsay finally said yes, PiedPiper)
windelina: (overdose)
I was wildly uninspired last night in my efforts to choreograph "Too Darn Hot". It's odd, too, because the arrangement is spiffy.

So, instead, I read Stephen King short stories, colored my hair, and waxed my dreadies.

And then killed another two hours doing half-hearted, half-assed choreography. Really, just staging. Or staring.

So, I got up toodamnearly this morning and started in. Apparently, my motivation keeps morning hours. Merely walking down the stairs to the basement (I have a whole room just for choreographing!), I had a fun idea. I ended up choreographing 2/3's of it in a bit over an hour (that is fast for me).

And if you're wondering what I do all day at work, today at work I choreographed. It takes repeated bathroom-breaks and abandoned stairwells and a zoned-out faraway look in the eye - but it can be done.

so, it's ready to go for tonight. This weekend, I need to choreograph/stage the remaining numbers in the show in prep for next week:
Brush Up Your Shakespeare
We Open in Venice
Cantiamo D'Amore
Another Op'nin

Of those, only "Cantiamo" is really dancy. The rest are just a lot of staging and movement coordination. If next week stays on schedule, we will have the whole show roughed out (movement wise) in the first three weeks of rehearsal. Giving us three more weeks to workWorkWORK.

Random notes:
- I'll be doing an auditioning workshop with the kids sometime in early November, likely.
- Our housewarming is looking more likely for November at this rate.
- I'm so damned grateful I don't have to figure out a Havana sequence or a Crapshooters Dance. "Too Darn Hot" is big, but not THAT big.
- I'm feeling a lot more positive about the show, obviously.
- After rehearsal, a party at Timmy & Jen's.
- Tomorrow I would like to work on the house. I should choreograph. I have a CVG meeting. Then a trip out to Fest. And the evening possibilities include a birthday party (my hair is newly REDDED), the Ministry of Cultural Warfare show, or dinner wiht the Festies at my favorite Chinese restaurant.
- Sunday includes more choreography, a matinee performance of a friend's show, possibly "Shaun of the Dead".

And I keep thinking about this idea of "living purposefully". It's gaining psychological ground.


windelina: (Default)

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