It's an adventure

As I look at my 25th floor window, I suddenly see green. There have been hints over the past week. Like a slow spreading blush - only in the wrong color. And now I look out, and it's official. I can't see the houses or the streets anymore. Just green leafiness.

Yeah.

I'm depressed right now. We don't have the money for the wedding we woudl like. It's constant negotiation and wrangling and figuring out what we can afford and where we don't want to skimp. It's exhausting. We're both considering some part time jobs to ease the strain, which I have mixed feelings about. On the one hand, it is an important day. It's really the only chance most of us get to throw a huge party for all our friends and relatives. And, if it's done right and done once, it's a celebration of a very important day in your adult life - a rite of passage.

On the other hand, it's just one frikkin' day.

So, I'm sort of pre-emptively exhausted as I consider getting a part-time job and what that will do to my schedule.

I'm also depressed about the whole acting thing. My nemesis popped up in the Star Tribune today. She's in a production at Mixed Blood. I've been getting more semi-pro gigs. I've been getting cast. But I can't seem to crack a certain level. And getting cast even at this level is not guaranteed. What is it? Am I too short? Not talented enough? Too talented? Just...wrong...somehow?

I should also remind myself and stay aware of the fact that my period starts on Sunday. (Sorry, boys, if you're sensitive to girly stuff. But's true. And it's a factor.) So, gotta keep an eye on any hormonal effects.

I'm also too fat for alot of my more fun outfits. And I refused to buy a new dress simply to have something to wear at this size.

{le sigh} Pity party at my table!

Still, I will have fun tonight. How can I not? My favorite people, good music (hopefully and likely), and Monte on my arm. What will I wear? It's a mystery even to me...

Yay Hormones!

Every downswing is balanced by an upswing - right??

Seems to be so at the moment.
The pall has lifted somewhat. (Which is probably partially in sync with the sun starting to shine.)
I had a nice relaxed lunch with my buddy Amy who is more pregnant by the day.

And, one way or another, we will decide on a reception venue within the week. Period.

Except for one last thing - I don't think I'll be auditioning for the Boyfriend after all. It's a non-paying gig. It'd be a ton of fun. But it'd also be a ton of stress not having any time to get wedding stuff done for 2 months straight (with a convention in the middle of it). I feel bad because Chrissy really wants me to do it, and - at any other point in my life I would do it.

But especially if we're considering part-time jobs for income enhancement - no time for theatre.

Which raises another ugly spectre: Theatre Withdrawal.
Right now I'm in a burnt-out cycle (which is another factor in not doing a show right now). But that will change. And eventually I will need to do a show. I think the wedding planning will be enough of a fix to tide me over, but you can bet I'll be hopping into a show sometime next January.