What the hell?

[windelina]

I'm in a definite funk. It's lightened by periods of perkiness, but I'm starting to realize that this is a pattern of more than a few days. My default setting has been set to low-lying stress and depression. It's like stealth blues.

And I'm a bit surprised at it, even though when I give it concrete thought it makes perfect sense. I live at a constant pace of "highly active". Why am I surprised when I turn up a bit burnt out?

I know part of it is that so many of the things I do require me to be the leader and instigator - and it's tiring to be the one in charge and the one responsible for making sure shit gets done. I'm looking forward to being in a show where all I need to do is show up and learn my part. That'll be a relief!

I suck at delegation, of course, so this is largely my own fault. Of course, it's aided and abetted by how many times I ask for assistance only to have it never come through. Monte's been a bit of a let-down on this lately (in the small-scale forgetting to bring stuff home that I ask him for and he knows we need), but at the same time I look at all my little failures and shrug it off as Life. We're both feeling overextended.

I need to:
- replace Parris and get the new actor up-to-speed
- get the show in good shape in two weeks, before Tech Week (we open in three weeks)
- costumes, as usual (Monte is becoming increasingly bitter about me being director AND main costumer)
- CVG admin stuff of various and routine natures
- CVG costuming fast approaching
- Financial stuff that I've procrastinated on and I feel like a worm about it
- Grad school info gathering
- House stuff: cleaning and minor house projects
- Bart's pageant number (but that's done in two weeks)
- pick out some songs to sing with Judith next Thursday night
- clean up and get my work room in order because it's so damned cluttered I can't get anything DONE!
- keep up with all my friends somehow
- to do the Spring Scenes or not to do them?
- put myself forward for teaching position at Stillwater again?
- If I don't do the Spring Scenes, do I do the choreography for the Actor's Theatre? (it would pay)
- the wedding album will be done soon
- are we taking that trip to DC? If so, when? Memorial Day might be my cousin's wedding...
- actual work here at work
- do I want to go to Anime Detour?
- the part where I love my husband and spend time with him

I think I need more spoons.

Comments

[wombat-socho.livejournal.com]

As much as I and others would like to see you at AD2K5, it looks like you've got a bunch of stuff with a higher priority. We'll be around next year.

[lio.livejournal.com]

Monte's right... Next time, you oughtta get somebody else to step up and do the costumes. Too many hats for you to wear. Hate to see you getting burned out.

[sithlet.livejournal.com]

I have silent giggle-fits every time I see that icon/that kitty.